Here are the Weird Around The World stories that Jason and Jeremy read from each hour weekday mornings from 7am-11am on Insert Morning Show Title Here on Z102.
Wed
Feb
22
Just Monkeying Around
JUST SPINNING HIS WHEELS
The inappropriately-named John Champion held up a convenience store at knifepoint and told the clerk he wasn't concerned about getting caught because cops would "never arrest a handicapped person." Champion proved to be a poor judge of police behavior, because they showed up just a few minutes later and found him sipping a stolen Bud Light Lime in his getaway vehicle -- which had gotten lodged in the sand behind the store.
PUTTING THE "P" IN STUPID
Harper and an accomplice had broken into a power plant to steal copper wiring, which they planned to sell in order to buy heroin. But part way through the process, Harper felt a wee bit of urgency and proceeded to relieve himself onto exposed electrical wires -- resulting in a fireball that caused disfiguring burns to his privates.
EMERGENCY DRUNK DIALING
Michael Barker spent much of last Sunday evening making the calls, which also included a plea for help in finding his lost football, until they were finally traced to his cell phone. When a deputy did show up, Barker placed a blanket over his head and went silent, hoping they wouldn't notice that he was there.
Barker was arrested for misuse of emergency services and taken to the local jail without incident.
JUST MONKEYING AROUND
Mark Loescher was sitting in his car still holding the gun when cops arrived on the scene. When they didn't buy his monkey tale, he tried a few others out for good measure, claiming to be the head of the CIA, a good friend of President Bush and even Elvis Presley's little brother.
He was taken in for observation, pending charges.
Tue
Feb
21
She Took A Crack At It
THAT'S A LOT OF BULL!
Ronald Bridges chose "Wild Thing," a tame critter who sleeps and eats inside the family's house, as part of the wedding party because "he's part of the family... he's a real softie." The new Mrs. Bridges said, "He looked absolutely amazing in our wedding pictures. He was especially brushed for the occasion, so that he looked really smart. We were so proud to have him at our wedding."
THE CHARGE? UNATTEMPTED ROBBERY
Cops in Maine are on the hunt for a man who's suspected of not robbing a local bank.
The man, who was wearing a ski mask and a tightly zipped hoodie, walked over to a counter at the bank and began to write what appeared to be a note. When the bank's manager saw what was going on, he asked the man to take off the hood, which he did -- revealing the mask and a dark hat as well.
Questioned further, the man pulled out a cell phone and began talking on it, scooting out the front door in the process. He's being sought for questioning on grounds of suspicious behavior.
SHE TOOK A CRACK AT IT
Essie May Jones was suspected of stabbing a male companion in a fight involving several people, so cops showed up to haul her off. While she didn't resist, she asked the arresting officer if she could smoke some of her crack stash first, since she wouldn't be allowed to smoke it behind bars.
The deputy declined the request, but added possession of a controlled substance to her list of charges.
I DID IT... OR DID I?
Timothy Beer walked into the precinct, complaining that he wasn't feeling well and worried that he'd "done something stupid." He says he was trying to order dinner but became angry when he thought the restaurant's employees were speaking Chinese. The next thing he recalls is playing video games at his cousin's home.
Beer confessed that he first came to the conclusion that he was guilty after reading about the crime in his local paper the next day.
Mon
Feb
20
No Wise Cracks
THIS THUG'S A REAL BUTT-HEAD
Malek Matos produced a knife and threatened to stab the woman if she didn't hand over her purse, so she complied. He ran off, but ran into her again outside the Department of Motor Vehicles, where she asked a clerk to call cops -- who quickly arrived to haul Matos away.
No word on whether or not he got his cigarette.
SOCK IT TO HIM!
Verdon Lamont Taylor wasn't greedy: He'd stripped off the bulk of his clothing in the store's parking lot and left it there, choosing to make off with just a single pair of tube socks. Security guards chose not to approach the 6-foot-4, 300-pound Taylor and called cops for back-up.
Taylor, who'd been wandering around the store, went ballistic at the sight of the officers, prompting them to taser him -- before hauling him in on theft and indecent exposure charges.
YOU SAY TOMATO, WE SAY MORON!
The 15-year-old, who was not identified because of his age, was in the process of swiping the plant from a neighbor's yard when the woman spotted him through her kitchen window. She gave chase but lost sight of him, then spotted him again the next day, at which point she held him until cops could arrive.
NO WISE CRACKS
A tipster called police to inform them that Ramon Blair would be in a white Pontiac with some crack cocaine hidden "on his person." A cursory examination revealed some drug residue around Blair's nose, so officers continued the search by asking him to drop trou and cough -- at which point the baggie of drugs revealed itself.
Fri
Feb
17
Officer Cabbie, I Presume?
SING US A SONG, YOU'RE THE PIANO LUSH...
Two teenagers who were visiting the homeowner on their vacation were awakened by the sounds of the unidentified man playing the piano. When one of the girls went to call cops, the man fired off some racial slurs, then began riding around on a skateboard he'd found in the yard.
When officers arrive to arrest the boozy Beethoven, they found a wrecked pick-up truck with three wheels and a broken axle, which they believe the suspect crashed earlier.
E-BAY EE-DIOT!
James Labreque put the safe, which had been sitting around unused, up for grabs because he had no room for it -- and he didn't have the combination in order to open it. The buyer gave Labreque a thumbs-up on the transaction -- and shared the news about the little cash bonus on the auction site.
A frustrated Labreque asked for a cut of the dough, but was told "finders keepers." He says, "If I was in that situation, I'd say, 'Here man, I found this money. I'll give you half of it.'"
OFFICER CABBIE, I PRESUME?
Hector Felix Jr. called 911 in the town of Port St. Lucie to report that he'd been carjacked -- and while he was unharmed, he desperately needed a ride to his home in Hollywood, about 100 miles away. When pressed for more information on the individual who stole his vehicle, Felix admitted the story was bogus, but still asked for a ride home.
He got his lift -- but only as far as the Port St. Lucie jail, where he was charged with false reporting of a crime.
M-I-C... SEE YOU BEHIND BARS!
The woman wanted to surprise her daughter's class by wearing the outfit for a Valentine's Day party, but failed to tell the school's principal about the costume, which she showed up wearing -- then changed out of in a restroom.
Superintendent Dante Zambrini said that an administrator freaked out because, "It was a case of, Mickey Mouse was here, and then he was missing."
Thu
Feb
16
You Have The Right To Remain Invisible...
FLOWERS COULD GET HIM PLANTED IN JAIL
Zachary Zelko sent a bouquet and a note to his estranged sweetie earlier this week, letting his inner romantic make the choice even though he had a restraining order out against him. He didn't sign the card that came along with the blooms, and a florist's employee specifically remembered him saying he couldn't give his name, as he wasn't allowed to have any contact with the ex.
Zelko is charged with one count of felony bail jumping. If convicted, he could be imprisoned for three years.
DETENTION FOR THE OLD GUY
Joseph Corlett, a 56-year-old part-time student, borrowed the title and theme of his essay about his fondness for his instructor from the classic Van Halen song. He says that the suspension took him by surprise, since he racked up a B-plus average writing essays with titles such as "The Boobs I Was Not Supposed to See."
Corlett, who is allowed to take online classes during his suspension, says he's fighting the decision, noting, "Guys have died on the battlefield so I can write naughty things in my English paper."
THE FICKLE FINGER OF JORDAN
Two South Carolina women are being questioned by police after they gave the finger to people looking to get a good price on a pair of Air Jordans.
The ladies are suspected of trying to pass off hundreds of pairs of counterfeit sneakers as the real thing while traveling through the south. Investigators say that one of the scam's tip-offs was an incorrect line of serial numbers -- but more significantly, the shoes' logo shows Michael Jordan with six fingers instead of five.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN INVISIBLE...
The showdown began after officers spotted the car on Interstate 8 and called for reinforcements, who arrived and began negotiating via loudspeaker. After receiving no response for two hours, they consulted with headquarters and decided to take the next logical step -- sending in a K-9 unit to fetch what they assumed was a suspect in a home invasion robbery.
The pooch returned empty-handed -- or is that empty pawed? -- and the search for the suspect goes on.
For more weird stories from around the world, visit our archives!
